As I sit down to write this I note the time is 11.11am. For those of you who have an interest in numerology you will be aware of the significance of these numbers. The rest of you will just be thinking it is almost lunchtime.
This morning, during a rare period of ‘down time’ I took some time to sit in the garden and contemplate some emotional changes that have been occurring over the last few days. I was aware that big energetic changes were at play, and as usual, my physical and emotional dimensions were struggling to keep up. An intense headache and rising anxiety levels signalled that it was time to analyse these changes at closer range.
My dog, of course, was with me. No matter what the issue, animals always have a starring role in my blogs! Douglas is a cheeky Border Collie who is nine months old. He is a wise soul but is still trying to find his purpose in this lifetime. As we sat I begin to contemplate where I am currently in my life versus where I need to be, or more significantly, where I ‘feel’ I need to be. As thoughts came and went I began to notice that Douglas was starting to chew on the cushion next to me. I told him off and he sulked off somewhere. He returned a short time later with one of my shoes and proceeded to chew the laces – right in front of me! He got a firm telling off this time and was strongly encouraged to go and lie in his bed and keep out of trouble.
As I settled back down with my thoughts I decided to check in on what I had been feeling just before Douglas started to misbehave. I was aware that my anxiety levels had risen and I had begun to feel overwhelmed emotionally. It was then I realised that my mind had shifted from contemplating my emotions to simply overthinking them.
When we take time to contemplate our emotions and our state of being or situation, we do so without judgement. We have no preconceived notion of how things are supposed to be or what the end goal needs to look like. We merely observe, almost as an outsider, our feelings and points of view. There is no right or wrong, merely observation and acknowledgement of where we are currently in life. If we are not careful however, contemplation can quickly move to intense overthinking.
Overthinking, I liken to circling thoughts that go around and around creating feeling of negativity, regret and hopelessness. When we overthink things we are signalling to our brain to find a solution to the emotional mess. We seek order, clarity and a clear way forward. It becomes almost as though our survival is dependant on finding a solution to the problems we have. Of course there is no solution, or at least no one single solution. The reality is that there are any number of solutions available depending on what choices we make next.
What does this have to do with Douglas? Well, I noticed that when I was merely contemplating and being an observer of my thoughts, he was calm and enjoyed sleeping beside me. As soon as my thoughts took over and I began overthinking, my stress levels increased and he immediately responded by getting into mischief and chewing things around me. He had responded to the shift in my intention from a place of calm, observation, to one of judgement and frustration that no solution was presenting itself. When we shift our intentions like this we quickly lose gratitude for the simple pleasures we have in our lives right now, and instead focus on what we don’t have. I like to think Douglas was reminding me that I was taking for granted the good things in my life currently, and how I forget how important the little things are.
Instead of telling him off, I thanked him for his valuable yet annoying contribution to my contemplation time and I decided to check in with some of my oracle cards to help focus my intentions. The card representing ‘worthiness’ came up. This is always an ongoing lesson for me, so I took note and began a simple meditation to clear any feeling I had around being ‘unworthy’ and ‘not good enough’. I was soon interrupted by Douglas dragging my new pot plant from inside, out through the dog door and into the garden! The fact it was that particular pot plant was hugely significant.
I have a friend who has a real passion for plants. Bordering on obsessive, she loves plants of all shapes and sizes. Plants make her happy and it is constant source of my amusement to see how crazy she is over nurturing her plant collection. Anyway, a few weeks ago I took a leaf (no pun intended) out of her book and bought myself a pot plant for indoors. It was a lovely looking plant and although I appreciated what it added to my home, I didn’t feel the connection she does with her plants, so ultimately I was a bit disappointed. Was there something wrong with me, or was the plant just not special enough? Lots of overthinking went on here I think you can gather.
After Douglas had massacred the plant I tried to think what energy Douglas had been responding to. It then became really apparent to me. I didn’t love my plant the way my friend loved hers, so every time I glanced at it or walked past it, I felt unworthy of it. I didn’t feel as strongly about the plant as I thought I would, so I had somehow begun to blame myself for this and felt ‘not good enough’ and ‘undeserving’ of the plant. By destroying the plant I like to think Douglas was actually just destroying the negative energy I had attached to it based on my negative self belief.
When you feel unworthy within yourself, you attach it to anything and everything, and as you walk through the world you see signs over and over that confirm in your mind that you are unworthy and not good enough. Without true self worth you will not only never feel worthy of what you have, you will never value the things that are truely important.
Douglas taught me today that I must always observe and analyse my emotions objectively without attachment and judgement. He also taught me I should not assess my worthiness based on what others truly value in the world. Everyone loves and shines in their own way. Thank you Douglas you cheeky pup!